Only For Tonight
by BonesBird
Summary: Erika tells Jon she always knew they'd end up in bed together, but that they can't do it again. (SassCaptains/2142)


_**So, this was originally a drabble, but it carried on writing and wouldn't stop. So this is a little ficlet set during Chapter 7 of "The Firs Missions"**_

_**Shin xx**_

* * *

><p><strong>"<strong>**Then I wasn't sure if you looked away or… but I remember I kept my gaze at you until you glanced back, and I felt such a thrill in my chest." ****_Samson 'The Deep'_**

This was a new experience for her. With Logan, the aftermath of sex had always been for them to go separate ways. She would be studying or working, he would play some stupid game. They had been children, pretending to be grown-ups. Now though, right now, she was learning what adults actually did. She hadn't wanted to move, and Jon had just wrapped his arms around her. In the back of her mind she'd always known she and Jon would end up in bed together. "The first day I met you I knew we'd end up like this." She said, out of the blue. Jon's small motion on her arm stopped for a second, but it started up again almost immediately.

"How?" It was obvious that he didn't understand how she'd known, or maybe he didn't want to believe she'd thought about it. She didn't want to believe he'd thought about it, because that would mean she'd been wrong all along.

"Because we all met in the bar, later that evening, and for most of the night you boys were talking and I was with Ruby, and I just kept staring at you." She hadn't been able to pull her eyes away from him, she'd tried but failed. Something had drawn her to him. "Then you looked at me and just, my heart started pounding."

He leant over her and looked at her seriously. She was clearly the centre of all his attention right now, and she wondered what he were thinking. She didn't have to wait long, and it reminded her of what had happened a year earlier. "Why didn't you say anything, like last year when I kissed you?"

"I was afraid." She had always been afraid, because she missed the fact that he had wanted her all that time. She'd told herself that it was all in her mind, that she just wanted it so it couldn't be true. She was afraid to be let down, again. Her first relationship had all been a let-down, and she was just scared. "I've only ever been with one person before and relationships aren't my thing, even this isn't really my thing." She shrugged, and really hoped that Jon wouldn't bother her so much with it.

Apparently, she wasn't in luck, or at least he was surprised by her statistic. "You've only been with two people?" The sound of confusion in his voice told her that she was going to have to explain it, and explaining it to someone like Jon was going to be hard.

"I've never loved someone enough to want to be with them." That was a huge part of her decision to be with anyone. She needed to think she was in love with them. While she now knew that she hadn't been in love with Logan, at the time she'd been convinced. Now she knew beyond all doubt that she was in love with Jonathan, but this had still been very unlike her. "I'm Catholic, Jonathan. I'm not really practising now, but I do still believe that this should only be between people who love each other." Her faith had always been something she'd kept private, but it did influence her behaviour probably more than she would like to admit.

It seemed like Jon knew exactly what she was saying, what she was meaning. As soon as they left her apartment this was done. It had been fun, but there were far too many things between them for her to even consider doing this again. "But we can't do this again?"

"We probably shouldn't, you're my superior officer."

That was when he kissed her again, then started trailing kissed down her neck and collarbone, speaking as he went. "Not here I'm not."

"Jonathan."

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked, and he sounded so concerned, but that was the opposite of what she wanted. Now this had started she didn't

"No. Just, this is only for tonight." She wanted to be sure that they all knew they didn't have forever to go, this was a one off. She didn't want to give it up, not right now. This was what she'd been waiting for.

"Just for tonight." He confirmed, and she leant up and kissed him again. This had probably been a bad idea, and it was going to change everything, but she couldn't stop. She'd tried for eighteen months to stop loving him, and she'd failed every time. She couldn't have a relationship, with him or anyone else, but she loved him, and she would cherish this night forever.


End file.
